Wednesday, May 6, 2009

American Idol and Andy's Philosophy

Two things today. They aren't connected. He doesn't have a philosophy on American Idol, other than thinking Adam really didn't make it into the bottom three last week and that stunt was just pulled for ratings. Pffft, he did so. I saw him. In the bottom three. With my own eyes! And that leaves Danny as the only one who hasn't been in the bottom three, at least until tonight.

American Idol recap -

I liked the duet thingy they did last night. But does that mean that AI just can't find any musical rock celebrities to perform that they have to make the contestants do duets? In any event, I was passed out on the couch when I heard Adam screaming his song and woke up. I caught the tail end of it. I'm sure it was amazing and the world ooh'd and ahh'd over his performance, but I'm still not going to go back and watch it. I get it. He's good. He's fantastic. He's a natural.

Allison. Poor Allison. I thought she was really going to rock the house last night. Joplin is definitely the artist choice for her, but the song choice wasn't hot. I still love her and I think she has come so very far in her time on AI. Raw talent. And I love that her new hair seems to have given her more confidence.

Kris. I love that face distortion he makes when he sings, his jaw moved completely over to the right side of his face. I'm so glad he got it back. I think Danny or someone really made fun of him for doing that, but it's his trademark, just like Adam wears more makeup than all the women in my family combined... it's him. It's what he does. I don't think he did so hot last night and he'll probably be the one going home tonight. But I adore that sexy, sweet face of his, that great voice of his and I know he'll do great things with his career.

Danny. I heart him. He's got that gruff sexy voice that gives me chills when he sings. That last note wasn't a great one, but I think the duet with him and Kris will keep him in the game. Guess we'll find out if going outside the box helped him or put him out of the game tonight.

As a side note... last week when Danny and Allison had their little food fight... am I the only one who thought they were really friendly? Maybe I just have a sick and twisted mind, but Danny has got to be super lonely, still mourning the death of his wife, and Allison, a hot girl with a mad voice, and the ONLY female in that house??? I realize she's only 17 and he's a grown man, but c'mon, there was something more than just a food fight going on there.

Now for Andy's Philosophy... I'm getting a bit serious here. Watch out.

I mentioned Andy's idea that most people are bad investments here, and therefore he cannot be friends with them. That was a bit harsh so I thought I'd ellaborate on this philosophy of his.

Andy thinks of people/potential friends as investments, in a very analytical type of way. He thinks that if a potential friend sucks more life out of you than they give you, they are bad investments. He believes that if people bring drama to your life, they aren't worthy of your friendship. It's very cut and dry here. If he meet someone who seems nice on the outside, but their life is in turmoil and all they do is "need", he will not waste his precious time on them. Don't get me wrong, he won't be disrespectful or tell that person what a loser they are (unless they ask for his advice and then certainly he will be very blunt); he just won't allow that person in his circle. Think about it. You invest time, money and emotional ties with friends. If they don't reciprocate in a positive manner, and your initial investment is used up with nothing to show for it, how can they be deemed a good investment?

My philosophy on friends is way different. I have friends from all walks of life. I'm not a people person really, but I find life interesting, and everyone has their ups and downs. I wasn't going to judge these people because their lives were different than mine, and they didn't judge me. I was the "mama" figure to most of them and when something horrible would happen they would flock to my door. I thought I needed them as much as they needed me. Then Andy came along and showed me exactly how some of these people were sucking the life out of me and I was allowing them to hold me back. I was constantly surrounded by gossip and who is doing what and with whom, so much so that I was forgetting all about the greatness my own life could hold.

Andy's philosophy started to make sense to me, but I wasn't ready to fully commit to that idea.

One particular friend of mine hit rock bottom and needed a place to stay. To sum it up, she was a very close friend, I offered our home without speaking to Andy first, he just warned me that this decision would bite me in the ass. It did. Hard. She once was very productive and had all her ducks in a row. I just thought she just needed someone to believe in her... no job, no car, no place to stay, completely boy crazy, and very few friends who would put up with her. I, being the rescuer and humanitarian, thought I could fix her. At first, it was working out fine. I was training her to do transcription, she was helping me with the kids during the day, sending out resumes and going on job interviews. Then she broke the rules. She went to darts one night, in my car, and by the time Andy got up for work the next morning, my car wasn't home. This turned into a huge fiasco. Andy called a friend (at 5:30 am) who called another friend who tracked her down. By 6:30 we found out she apparently drank too much and in her hormonal, drunken, needy, state of mind she went over to a dude's house and stayed the night. I tripped out on her. Not only was my man, the one who is paying the bills in the house that she is currently living in, late for work, but she had the carseats for Monkey Boy and Baby Love in my car. Needless to say, I was livid. Forced to keep my cool because the kids were there, I ushered my friend in the house and sent my man and the kids on their way, 30 minutes late.

In my life prior to Andy, I would have just thanked my lucky stars that she didn't drive my car while drunk and that she was okay. I never would have seen the predicament that she caused for my family. I would have been pissed, but I would have calmed down much faster and been able to deal with her. This time her stunt was different. And believe me, there have been some stupid stunts in the past, but nothing of this magnitude that directly involved me.

I had to put my big girl panties on and make a decision. Andy said he would handle it for me and talk to my friend (and by talk he meant put her out). As much as I wanted him to be the bad guy in this one, I decided it was my responsibility since I was the one who offered her a place to stay. I sat her down and told her... "Bottom line, you've got to find somewhere else to live." She cried, apologized, cried some more and asked, "Will you still be my friend?" Of course I would. I didn't hate her. I just knew, at that moment, she was a bad investment.

I love this girl. We have been there for each other through thick and thin for years now, and it's hard to distance yourself from people you care about. But Andy is right. He's got his head on straight about investments and friends. When they begin to cause turmoil in your backyard, it's time to cut the ties. It took me a while to wrap my head around this philosophy of his, but after I did, I was amazed at how drama-free, calm and happy my life was turning out to be. I pushed this friend out of my backyard and handed her off to her family. I still love her very much. She hit rock bottom shortly after that incident and has since started rebuilding her life. She's got a long road ahead of her, but I'm so proud of her. We talk, occasionally. We see each other, occasionally. But I definitely am still guarded regarding how close I can be to her.

People are all different. But ultimately, we are the ones who make the final decisions on who and what we allow in our lives, how close we allow them to get, and how much control of our lives we allow them to have. I was never really surrounded by a close family growing up. My family caused pain, therefore, my needs for connection with people were filled with friends, pre-Andy. Now, my need to be needed is filled by Andy and the kids. My family needs me. And my friends/associates/investments are kept at a safe distance. I still make time for my friends, love and cherish them all, but they definitely take a back burner to my family now. It's a great feeling.


Susan said...

Ok, I so love Adam. The guy is gayer than gay, which I'm fine with yet still I drool over him as my husband get's physically sick watching me. And by the way, we were delayed getting home last night totally unexpectedly and missed the first half.

I'm devestated. I sulked at my husband for not speeding faster than sound.

As for your relationships as investments... I'm with this one. Of course it's not all black and white, but hey, as you get older and have family, you just have other things that go before dealing with people's irresponsibility.

~~Mel~~ said...

There are very few ppl in my life that I"d be willing to take in...and the main reason I'd help them out when they were down is because I know they'd do the same for me in a heartbeat. Just like any other relationship...friendships need to be give and take...50/50. IMO anyway.

Love Adam!!! I was really sad to see Alison go.