Midnight Megaphone

So it's almost midnight and I'm perusing blogs instead of finishing the last chapter of this book. It makes absolutely no sense to me because once the book is finished, I get paid... and it's close to Christmas and being paid would be lovely. But no. Everything in my head is spinning so fast I can't concentrate on the Final Flippin Chapter!

Wanna know where my thoughts are?

I suppose I could share.

I get a call today about noonish from Andy's mom. I usually don't answer because I know she's just looking for him and will try his cell phone next. No biggie. Something told me to answer today. And I'm glad I did.

She's calm at first and asks who she's talking to (b/c apparently I sound like a man and she usually thinks I'm Andy when she calls). I tell her it's me and she immediately gets frantic. She's bawling on the phone, blubbering and I finally get it out of her, "My house has just been broken into! They've stolen everything, Christmas presents and the TV..." I stop her, tell her to keep calm (especially since Baby Love is over there) and call Andy. He's in a meeting of course... because that's what happens during every emergency. There is always some important business deal going down right when the family calls to report a pteradactyl in the backyard or something. Anyway, I simply tell Andy, "Call your mother right now, someone just broke into her house."

Andy, of course, being the "perfect son" heads straight to his mom's house, plays CSI guy and calms his mom down. A few hours later the police have come and gone, mama has a new door with steel reinforcements professionally installed and Andy is on his way home with the kids.

He's obviously upset. His mama is all of 4 foot 11.5 inches. She's just a short little, plump lady who wouldn't hurt a fly. She loves with all her heart and is completely devoted to her family. Her husband passed over 15 years ago she's never looked at another man. She still has birthday parties for him and celebrates his life, their lives together. She's an amazing person.

The middle son has graciously offered to hand over a wad of cash so Christmas will still be on for the kids at grandma's. An insurance claim will be filed of course, but it surely won't get here in time for Santa to deliver presents.

In my spare time (like right now, when I should be snuggled up next to my husband who will be leaving me in 2 short hours to go hunting) I was thinking... Mean People Suck! This is the time of year when people should be happy and smiling and giving and loving. This is the time of the year when fireplaces are lit and you can smell the chimneys through the whole neighborhood. And when kids are even watching the news to see if we will have a white Christmas.

This is also the time of year when the loser ass bullies are breaking into the homes of hard-working folks and rob their children of Christmas presents. And when thieves are everywhere, carefully stalking their next victim. When purses are held tight to the body and walking to your car alone in the dark after a shopping spree causes the heart to thump so loud you can hear it.

Which leads me to this... why is it people don't feel blessed until something bad happens? Everything revolves around Christmas presents. Do they even know why there is a Christmas in the first place? What this holiday really means? Andy said something to me tonight, I don't remember the exact comment, but my retort was, "Maybe this Christmas people should focus a little more on the blessings of health and family than how many Christmas presents are under the tree."

I wasn't being mean. He agreed actually. I'm guilty of not appreciating my blessings until a threat rears its ugly head. I am guilty of not teaching my kids the value of life and living a good life instead of fixing and pacifying them with material things. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between bribing and teaching. And sometimes I'm just too lazy to fight about it, so I opt for the easy way out -- bribes.

My goal this Christmas season is to get closer to the basics and show by example how to bless others, instead of catching the kids counting how many gifts under the tree have their names on them and keeping some kind of tally to see who has the most. Andy and I seriously need to redirect our family so blessings are treated as blessings and gifts don't monopolize the meaning of Christmas.

And it took a robbery to hit me in the face. Pathetic.

Happy Tuesday Bloggyland

So I've been MIA for a while now and decided to get back to the blog world.

Quick update:

Still in school
Still writing (on my 3rd book now)
Still happily married and enjoying my wonderfully blended family

That about sums it up.

Andy and I went to see my family in Texas for turkey break and had a great time. I got my mama to say "shitload" and I giggled like a 4 y/o. Then my grandma asked Andy if he thought she was a "good Indian" or a "bad Indian". Way to put him on the spot granny. My mom helped me smuggle a ton of spices out of granny's kitchen (only because she buys industrial-sized seasoning bottles) and my car smelled like a restaurant for three days. Poor Andy drove all the way there and all the way back, let me get us lost on the way there, and was in bumper to bumper traffic on the way home. And because he bought me a power inverter so I could take my laptop and plug it in, I didn't pay attention to anything other than Sims3 and how far away Jack in the Box was. He's so good to me.

I still keep Big K and Baby K during the week for Andy's nephew and they are getting so big! Baby K is walking and talking and being a big girl. Big K is such a great big sister, except of course when she doesn't want to share.

Nisha is almost 16 and driving me bonkers about her drivers license. Poor kid. It won't be coming any time soon and she hasn't quite wrapped her head around that idea. Her neurologist wouldn't sign the medical release, said a family physician needed to do that. I found that particularly odd since she's had seizures for 15 years, had the same neurologist for 15 years... and they wouldn't sign the paper. Hmm.

DD was accepted into a college prep school this year and is doing so well! She was behind in the public school system and they are moving her right up to where she should be. By next year she'll be at least a grade ahead of the public school kids in her grade.

Baby Love just turned 5 and she's in school this year. She loves it! Such a fast learner too! And Monkey Boy is enjoying the days alone with his grandpa during the week because the girls are all in school. He's eating up the attention, and actually is much more calm when they aren't around.

Our custody schedule has changed a bit since Baby Love is in school and that part sucks, but we know it's for the best. DD and Baby Love stay with their mom during the week so they are in the same bed each night and have a dedicated routine for school. Monkey Boy gets to come over a couple times a week to stay the night and then we get all three of them every other weekend. Nisha is with us full-time and I don't think she'd change a thing. Andy has shown her in the past 2 years everything that a father should be and she's eating it up.

Andy's promotion at work has brought him closer and closer to the big-wigs and greater contacts at work. I'm so proud of him! I'm still plugging along at school and I don't think I'll ever be finished. I should get to start my degree program in the spring, and then it's another 15 months to get my BS from there. And my plan is to immediately start my Master's right after that.

So I think that's the recent rundown... I should probably get back to this book I'm writing. The quicker I get finished, the quicker I get paid. Although I have decided to start with the blogs in the morning to get my creative juices flowing. Can't wait to read up on everything I've missed over these last few months!

Have a great Tuesday bloggy friends!

I'm Writing a Book... and I Need Your Help!

Ok so if you read the last post, you'd know that I'm pursuing my career as a writer now.

I've been blessed with several awesome opportunities as of late and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Most of the things I write at the moment are ghostwriting jobs, which means I get no credit, do all the hard work, and then hand off my creation to someone else to make millions (ok millions might be a slight exaggeration).

So here's my latest big project and I really need some help guys.

I'm writing a lymphoma survivor case study. I need 7 survivors of lymphoma (Hodgkin and nonHodgkin) with various types of treatment; chemo/radiation, surgical, herbal, dietary and any other alternative method.

I need 7 people I can interview (online or off) who will allow me to write a chapter each on their entire process; from prediagnosis to remission. I would really like to use their names, the names of physicians, hospitals, etc., but I understand if they prefer that information be left out.

This book will be written as an inspirational guide for those who have just been diagnosed with lymphoma and I'm really excited about it. If I do a good job on this one, my client has promised many more projects like this in the future! So c'mon, help a budding writer out!

If you all or anyone you know is a survivor of lymphoma and would like to be featured in a book, please get back with me. I've joined several forums for cancer survivors and the likes for leads, but I'm opening the floor to the bloggyworld as well.

Thanks guys, any help is appreciated!

LTNW: I'm Back....Again!

Long time no write peoples! I'm not sure if anyone still reads this blog... probably not since there's been nothing to read in AGES!

Things have sure been busy around here. I thought with summer ending and the kids getting back in school I'd have more time to devote to my blog. Ugh!

Here's the good and bad... just to catch up!

Good - I'm still in school and one day will have that blasted Master's degree! One day a long, long... long, long, long time from now... but I WILL finish!

Bad - I'm no longer a medical transcriptionist. After 15 years I've quit. I hate it. I've grown to despise doctors who eat and dictate, can't spell and can't pronounce drugs or general anatomy parts in a clear manner. And I'm not even talking about the ESL doctors, they are a friggin BREEZE! Plus - with emerging technology, my job is going to be eliminated anyway. My service got hit hard last December when a major hospital went to a "point and click" system in their ER; that was a multimillion dollar account. Then, three weeks ago I get a similar notice that we've lost another biggie. Not good. This was my bread and butter people!

Good - I'm pursuing my dream of writing. At 12 I decided I wanted to be a writer, but never went for it full force. It's a sink or swim world baby! I was a big fat chicken, I'll admit. But I had to count on money coming in and there was no sure thing with writing. Recently, I've been doing a lot of ghostwriting for a bunch of different projects. I'm getting my feet wet and I love it! One of these days I'll have my own books published and I'm going to need every single one of you to make a purchase. Thank you in advance.

Bad - My ex is still an idiot. I thought there was a statue of limitations on a stupidity-coma, but he's going on more than 5 years now and nothing has changed. There's still a heartbeat and a viable pulse, but it appears there is no activity "upstairs".

Good - My husband continues to surprise me on a daily basis. He's by far the most loving and devoted person on the planet and I can't imagine my life without him. I should pat myself on the back for stalking him. Job well done.

Bad - New drama unfolds with the dear hubby's ex and I'll be sure to enlighten you all soon enough. She's... well, uh... she certainly surprised me.

And on that note, I'll end the good and bad news update from my crotch of the US stance in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma.

So... We're Married Now!!!

We headed for Florida but with a new idea in mind. We decided instead of having a huge wedding at home to get married at our favorite place in the world... Anna Maria Island!!! Everything fell perfectly into place, and to tell you the truth, we couldn't have planned a more beautiful and perfect wedding!!! Along with the wedding as the highlight of our vacation, we also had a blast on the boat and jet skis, packed a picnic and played on the beach, saw dolphins and manatees right in the water with us, went parasailing, enjoyed a Yankees game where they smashed the Tampa Bay Rays, and of course, hit our regular bars for the dart tournaments and karaoke.

We were able to have our two oldest girls there, along with my sister, her Dick and her two youngest kids there as well. We hired an awesome lady, Rev. Georganne Butler, to perform the barefoot sunset ceremony, incorporating all four of our kids names, while the two oldest girls took their places on each of our sides. We found the perfect location on Anna Maria Island right in front of the Sandbar, a well-known restaurant in the area, who seated our party of 8 right on the patio area overlooking the gorgeous beach, just before sunset. My sister, the excellent photographer that she is, took some amazing shots.... here are a few!

During the ceremony...

The cake and champagne at the house...

The wedding toast....

All of us at dinner at the Sandbar... this was taken by Brian, quite possibly the best waiter on the planet!

This was after the ceremony and during dinner... we got tons of shots of the sunset in all its glory...

Truly an amazing experience. It was secluded, private, simple and delicious... Now no longer living in sin, I'd like to reintroduce myself to the bloggy world as Mrs. Andy.

Makin' Friends Monday

So it's Monday again. Bleh. I'm in a pretty grumpy mood this morning, and I'm sure I'll rant about that later... but for right now I'm going to try and turn my spirits around with Makin' Friends Monday! Woop woop! I played along last week and I got lots of nice comments from lots of nice blog peeps and really, who can be in a pissy mood when things like that happen?

So Kasey at All That is Good usually hosts, but I'm assuming she's still out galavanting the country and Mamarazzi has been kind enough to fill in. Go on over and check it out! They both have awesome blogs!

Mamarazzi asks us to name 5-10 of our favorite things, inventions or things that have changed our lives... this should be easy enough, especially since I'm an infomercial-whore and addicted to things that once I see, I'm definitely going to need.

Now obviously, as a perfect mommy and wife-to-be I wouldn't be able to maintain my throne without saying the my entire favorite things post includes only that of my four children and fiance. Without them, my life would be dreary and ugly and meaningless.

Ok, now on to the more important things:

1. Pepsi - this has been an addiction of mine for as far back as I can remember. Without Pepsi, my days are long and boring and caffeine-less. I don't drink coffee on a regular and I can't afford fraps from Starbucks on a daily basis, so something has to feed my crack-whore addiction. Nothing else I've found is legal, has the oomph to make me move my ample ass in the morning or tastes that dang good!
2. Google - I'm nosey and an information nutjob. I have this instinctive need to fill all this empty space in my head with random knowledge. My brain is a like a vat of useless information that some day might be of use when I'm a contestant on Jeopardy or Who Wants To Be A Millionairre. One day I'll be smart enough, but until then I'm going to google any and everything.
3. Plastic containers & Ziplocks - I know it sounds stupid, but think about it this way... if you have an entire cabinet full of plastic containers, you will never need to find a way to save left-overs, freeze meats if you buy them by the family pack and don't need to use the entire 7 lbs of hamburger meat at a time, a place to put all the hair ties that comes with having a family of 4 girls, a place for the crayons that usually end up under the couch b/c the stupid Crayola box never houses them quite right if you remove them only once, all the office/desk stuff (paperclips, thumb tacks, stamps, loose change, etc) that just doesn't have an appropriate place, the tween/teen pens and pencils that you definitely have to keep separated from the Crayons. Seriously, these things save my life on a daily basis.
4. Notepads - I'm a list makin' fool. I make lists for the lists I need to make. Like today, I'm starting my list of things I need to make a list for so we will be prepared to leave for our Florida vacay 10 days from now. I need to make a list of what to pack for each child, for the man (because I pack his stuff too), the fun-in-the-sun check list so we don't burn our asses on the uber-hot Florida beaches, the snack list for ice chest on the trip there, the grocery list for the snack list so I can make treats instead of spending countless dollars on shit for them to munch on in the car... the list-making never ends.
5. Lawry's. This is a serious addiction and Andy makes fun of me for this one. In my cabinet right now I have 5 large, unopened bottles of Lawry's Seasoning Salt and 4 large, unopened bottles of Lawry's Garlic Seasoning. It appeares that every single time I'm in the grocery store, this makes the "I may not need it right now, but eventually I will so I'm going to buy it" category. I use mostly these two seasonings on meat dish I cook and I think I'm scared one day I won't have any and dinner will be ruined. I even have one bottle of each, unopened, in the camping buckets (because we are prepared like that and have two, big ass camping buckets will all the seasonings, utensils, plates, a skillet, cutting board, knives, sunblock, hair-tie bag, floaties and a checklist of everything that we are going to need for the next camping trip).

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure my list could go on forever. They are simple things that make my life a lot easier... which makes life easier for Andy and the kids... See it's not all selfish. I'm thinking about them too. I mean seriously, their life is MUCH easier when Mama has her Pepsi-fix while she's writing down that she needs Ziplocks on her list of shit to get at dollar store, but not before googling to see if there is a more appropriate way to store all the trial size vacay shit that she's going to buy at wally world for the Florida trip so everyone has their OWN shit and Mama doesn't have to hear shit when the kids start griping about the other one using all the shampoo and shit.

Seriously, this shit makes my life easy!

Calling ALL BLOGGERS!!!

In lieu of the lack of responses to my previous request for help with my paper on Social Class in America, I've chosen a different subject... one that many of you may have personal experience with.

So again, I beg for help... and keep in mind, I could make you famous with my research paper and oral presentation (where I have to be all crafty and give handouts and use visual aids and stuff) for this class. I mean FAMOUS. Not bloggyland "Oh I mentioned your name" kind of stuff. We are talking royalties beyond our wildest dreams and book publications and public speaking opportunities and traveling and everything. Ok - that's all a lie, but I sure could use some personal experience stories to include in my paper.

This is the RMCH (Ronald McDonald Charity House) where we stayed in Ft. Worth. Yep - we were there for two weeks and let me tell you, there is nothing more amazing and awe-strikingly beautiful that I've experienced in my life. Since my stay at RMCH I've urged people if there is any charity in the world worth giving to, it would be there. An amazing experience.

Set aside the fact that my daughter, only 12 at the time who had dealt with a seizure disorder all her life, was in Cook Children's Hospital in Ft. Worth undergoing brain surgery. Set aside the fact that her TWO scheduled brain surgeries turned into THREE. Set aside the fact that by brain surgery, I mean cutting out a chunk of deformed brain cells in multiple spots and we wouldn't know if she was going to have neurological deficits like loss of speech, loss of motor skills, etc., until it was all over. Set aside the fact that Ft. Worth is the closest place (4 hours from my home in Oklahoma) that had a pediatric epileptologist and pediatric neurosurgeon available. Set aside the fact that we didn't know anyone in Ft. Worth where we could stay and 2 weeks at a hotel wasn't in the budget, plus meals and transportation and every other minor detail that you run across while out of town. And set aside all the anxiety, tears, worry, more tears, surgery after surgery after surgery, test after test after test, and everything else you might imagine would be involved in sending your child "under the knife".

Why set that aside? Because after staying at RCMH I realized I was one of the few mothers who would be allowed to take her child home in just a couple short weeks. I was the minority.

The families at this place were amazing. The staff was amazing. They have a full kitchen loaded down with food that is all FREE. They have a game room, a quiet room, a library, laundry facilities, WiFi and a computer with printer available for use in the lobby, a patio with picnic tables and a playground area for kids... and half the nights there was a local business catering supper. All FREE. Each family has their own bedroom, kind of like a hotel, only no maid. We had a TV, bathroom, dresser, two full size beds and a walk-in closet. All they ask in return is a donation -- whatever you can afford. The lady told me that some people pay $25 a night, some pay $10 a night, and some aren't able to make a donation at all.

I'm not a people person, and during the time I wasn't in the hospital room with Nisha, I walked over to RMCH to shower, change, clear my head and get some work done. I brought the laptop with me so I could work. While sitting on the patio pounding away on the laptop I overheard several of the conversations. One lady was there from another state with her son who had leukemia. She comes in once every couple of months and stays for a few weeks while he gets treatment, but this time his prognosis wasn't so good and she didn't think he was going to make it. Another lady, from some rural town in Texas, had her husband and another child at the RMCH while her terminally ill daughter was never going to make it out of the cancer ward. They were there to watch their daughter die. Another mother was there with her small, previously healthy toddler who suffered a traumatic brain injury and she would be wheeling her child out, never to walk or talk again. These stories just poured out of these ladies. They had all become family, a support system for each other. I stood back in awe.

I felt guilty. I didn't want to share my story with these ladies, even though they were looking at me, eyes wide with curiosity, to see if I was in their boat. I couldn't even say anything. I silently prayed for them and their children and left the table. How could I be so naive? How could I just walk around that place depressed and angry, like my world was crashing down around me, when I would get to take my baby girl home???

So -- here's my question for the peeps of the world:

Have you ever had the opportunity to stay at a RMCH or volunteer there?

Please share your story with me by email or on this post.

Iron Chef: July - Kids Cook!

First and foremost, I wanted to thank Heidi at Sacred and Profane for putting on this great contest! Go check it out for details. This month she's letting the kids take the wheel. DD, the 10y/o and Nisha, the 15y/o aspiring Pastry Chef, have chosen a super delicious dessert to prepare!

Here is our entry:

Banana Split Pie

1 graham cracker crust pie

1 can crushed pineapple

1 small container fresh strawberries

2 bananas

1 box prepared Jell-O pudding (Cheesecake flavor works best)

1/4 c. chopped nuts

1 container Cool-Whip

1 jar Maraschino cherries

Spread half of the Cheesecake flavor pudding about 1/4 inch thick on the graham cracker crust.

Slice both bananas into bite-sized pieces and layer on top of Jello.

Slice about 8 or 10 strawberries into bite-sized pieces and layer on tope of the bananas.

Drain the crushed pineapple and layer that on top of the strawberries (probably only need about 1/2 of the can)

Top with Cool-whip, sprinkle chopped nuts and dot with cherries.

Freeze for 30 min to an hour and serve.

The girls are making this again on Thursday evening because we snarfed down the one on Monday and I didn't get to take any pics.... so pics to follow!

School Again, School Again, Jiggity Jig

I'm totally soliciting opinions here for my class, and for my own mental health to see if I'm really living in some kind of Reality TV bubble and can't tell my ass from a hole in the ground.

First, keep in mind that I'm going to school for my counseling degree... (in my best Miss America voice) "in the end I hope to save the world, one person at a time" by walking them through whatever it is that lead them to my office, punching them in the throat and telling them to exercise SOME form of common sense. Kind of like Dr. Phil but with much more profanity and finger-pointing. Believe me when I say, I will vote for myself for the Best Counselor in America award. You can take that to the bank!

Tonight is the beginning of my first class since my wonderful month and a half break. My semesters are totally different than traditional college students in that I'm in an adult studies program and we go to school constantly. There wasn't an available class in May that I wanted to take, so I got to skip 6 weeks and enroll in my next five classes starting in July. God willing, this whole going-back-to-school-in-my-30s-idea will be worth it and I'll graduate with my BS (lol I love that term) in 2 more years. Then I'm back at it for the MS... I suppose after that I'll get a real job and join the real world lol.

So anyway, last night I'm doing my required reading in Class Matters (interesting read actually) for my Social Class in America class and I sparked up a little debate with Andy. I asked him to rank his family members (because they are all close knit but seem to be vastly different) in whatever social "class" he felt which they belonged. He went down the line of his brothers and nephews, 5 families total, and put them all in a social class. (For their sake and Andy's, I will not say who was placed where. I don't want to piss any of them off; I'm not actually married-in yet and they might try to beat me up.)

It appeared to me there was no method to his madness in classifying peeps. People who weren't homeowners but have steady jobs were put in middle class, and people who owned their homes, but weren't concerned about having extra money were put in low class. I didn't get it. So I asked him the reasoning he used. Apparently, Andy thinks of social class as the availability of money and little to do with possessions or appearance. He explained further; the people in middle class have the means to take care of a financial issue if it comes up (car needs a new engine, have to call an electrician or other service technician, etc.), and the people in lower class blow their wads, have nothing to show for it, and never have any money in their bank accounts.

Social class can be broken down into a million pieces; available health care, financial stability, homeownership, area of residence, community involvement, possessions, education, etc. I think the social classifications are totally subjective, because while some of these things mean something to me, they may not mean that much to anyone else. In addition, the geographic location tends to play a big part. In Oklahoma, we don't buy condos. It seems stupid to "buy" a residence where you share walls. But in a metro of California, it's common to buy a condo. And if you are able to purchase in Cali, you are doing pretty okay -- hence the assumption of a higher social class.

To me there is much more to climbing the ladder of social class. I don't need a personal chef to be upper-middle class because I like to cook and I don't like fancy shit. I don't need a BMW sedan to be upper-middle class either, because that isn't feasible with four children. I don't do $700 blouses and if I paid $400 for a pair of Jimmy Choo's, Andy would slit my wrists for me. What I need is home ownership in a rural area within a low crime area and excellent school district, financial stability, college funds for the kids, an investment portfolio, funds available to make a moderate sized purchase without thinking I'd have to sell my soul to the devil to get, and a six figure income. There's much more but you get the point. That's how I would classify being in upper-middle class. I'm no where near there. We live comfortably, but we aren't even close to my definition of upper-middle class.

For my research paper in this class, along with the dreaded oral presentation I propose some questions:

In which social class would you put your household and why?

Would you self-describe your social class as the same, higher or lower than that of your parents while you were growing up?

Disclaimer: For your consideration and privacy, I promise not to use your real name in my research paper, however if I make it big and some fancy magazine wants to publish my work -- all proceeds go directly to me and my non-existent social status. Thank you for your time.

RTT:

It's that time again! Go on over to Keely's at The UnMom, grab the button, feel up Mr. Linky and do the damn thang!

Here's how my mind is working today, randomly:

It's 8:53 and these kids are driving me bonkers. The older two are babysitting the smaller ones and apparently Monkey Boy has taken it upon himself to pay Big K back for stealing a toy by attempting to chew her arm off. So he's sitting right here, next to me, so close I could reach down and yank out all his teeth.

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School starts back tomorrow and this semester (knock on wood) looks like it's going to be a piece of cake. Social Class in America is my first class... pffffft... it's gonna be a breeze. One gripe I have though is why does every class have a flippin oral presentation. That's crap. Why can't I just write my research papers like any normal person and turn the shit it. Nooooooooo, I've got to do a research paper and prepare an oral presentation, provide a hand-out for the class bulleting everything I'm going to talk about in 5 minutes and pray I don't piss my pants.

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I haven't heard from my sister in three days. That means the heffa is out on some damn island somewhere via a fancy damn cruiseship snorkling and diving and having Pedro the cabana boy bring her some fruity umbrella drink, basically living it up while I'm hiding out in my garage from the 6 monsters in my house. Something is definitely wrong with that picture. Wrong!

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So Andy's new position at work seems to be keeping him entertained. He comes home and rambles about papers or somebody didn't get their papers back or some shit and I have no clue what he's talking about. I just smile and nod. He gets really excited about it though, so it must be fun lol.

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My laptop is a gonner. I'm pretty pissed about that. It had all my hijacked programs on it like Microsoft Office and the full version of Adobe. Now I'm screwed. I've messed with it and messed with it and I can't repair it. I'm either going to have to rely on the PCtards with the clown car to fix it or just blow the drive and start from scratch. Grrrr!

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Yesterday Andy (my pedicure givin' man) wakes me up like this: "Get up and fix me my coffee!"

Say what? I get up, pee on my hands a little and then go fix his coffee right up. One cup of coffee coming right up Sir! Then before bed I mentioned how rude he was in the morning.

This morning Andy (my pedicure givin' pissy coffee drinkin man) wakes me up like this: ____________

Wait! There's nothing there. Because that asshead didn't wake me up. His response to my attitude at being woken up like some petticoat wearing broad from Outhouse on the Prairie was to NOT wake me up at all.

Does that make any sense?

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I don't understand why our water bill keeps going down in the summer, especially since we are watering the garden 2-3 times a day now. Maybe we don't bathe enough.

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We went grocery shopping the other day. We took 3 of the 4 kids with us (Nisha was at my friend's house); 10, 4 and 3. So Andy's got one buggy with Monkey Boy and Baby Love riding in it. I've got the other cart trying to figure out what I've got a coupon for, comparing prices, browsing. I get out my coupons for salad dressing and try to find this Spritzer shit (that we don't use) because I want to try it out (solely b/c I have a coupon for it) and there is this broad standing right in the way. She's putting like 95 bottles of ranch in her buggy and leaning over right in my way. Finally I think she's done and she only moves her cart up about 7 inches. I look at Andy and sigh. I'm about to push her down so I can get my fancy flippin Salad Spritzer when she looks up at me. Our eyes meet... and she just stares. I'm like... kinda weirded out. She reaches down into her puss-pouch thingy and pulls out, I kid you not, 3409857345 coupons, all sorted and like ones stapled together. I've never seen anyone with 47 coupons for the same thing. She offers me a coupon for Kool-aid. She says, "They've got it on sale for 12 for a $1 and you only need 10 to get $2 off a bag of sugar, and they have sugar over there for $2 so it's like you get the sugar free." "Thank you kind Coupon Bandit," I tell her as I snatch up the coupon. She's out of the way of the fancy Salad Spritzer so I move in. Then... she comes back. "You like ranch dressing?" "Why yes, Coupon Bandit, we love ranch dressing!" So she gives me another coupon for $1 off a Kraft ranch dressing, which happens to be on sale for a $1. She gives me a lesson in coupon clipping and Andy asked me if I took notes. Andy hopes one day I'll be like the Coupon Bandit and save tons of money by buying 47 ranch bottles in one day and getting them all for free... minus the $1.25 x 47 that it cost for the Sunday papers. Either way, I saved almost $20 on the grocery bill that day. Nevermind that the bill was $400.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There ya have it. My randomness for the week. Now go play along and Happy Tuesday folks!

Friend Makin Monday: BFF

So I ran across this thingamajig... well actually I've seen it a million time since I've been in bloggy land and been a complete lurker. Today I decided to participate.

There is this Friend Makin' Monday post (you guessed it, every Monday) By Kasey at All That Is Good (really neat blog BTW), but I think she's on vacay so Kelli at Outside My Kitchen Window (another neat blog BTW) is hosting this week.

Here's the idea: A question is posted. You post your response on your own blog and then leave your name with Mr. Linky. That's the hard part. The easy part is you get to read as many of the responses as you want, and post a comment on at least two. The whole idea is to get to know people a little better and make some new friends. We are bloggers and we all like friends.

Ok... so today's FMM question was about your BFF... how you met, how long ago, why is this person special... blah, blah, blah. You get the point.

First, let me start by saying I don't have many friends. Not anymore. Wait. Ok, let me rephrase: Since Andy has come into my life, I have redefined most people (with his "people are investments" attitude, read about it here) as acquaintences instead of friends. So the plethora of people who previously made the friend list has dwindled down to like 3. Pathetic.

As for my BFF... that's a hard one. I have a few very close friends that I would consider BFF's for different reasons. Andy is my bestest friend, and he should be, but I'm going to keep this to someone who lives outside my own home.

Like Nikki, she's been my friend since 9th grade and we were thick as thieves back in the day. She's been there through a lot of my ups and helped me pick up the pieces when I was down. She's always there with sound advice, even when you don't ask for it, and sometimes sounds a bit judgmental. But I know Nikki, and I know that her heart is in the right place. Regardless, she's been there... with me... through it all.

Then there's Della. I've been friends with her since 8th grade. She's a trip and I love her. She and I have been through some tough times. She's always there with a loving attitude and a heart so big you can feel it. She accepts the redneck side of me and when I need to getaway... it's Della's house I run to.

And lastly, I can't forget my sissy. She's WAY older than me (I love you sissy) and I didn't like her much when we were growing up. We have different dads and she lived with her dad for as long as I can remember. I only have few early memories of my sister, but when she was an adult and married off, we became a little closer. It wasn't until I was grown with a family of my own that we became really close. She is totally like me in many ways, and completely different in others. She has a level head when I need it, will listen to me rant, back me up when I need it and calm me down when I'm a little excited. When we are together, we laugh constantly. We can talk for hours on the phone on a daily basis and then go for three weeks without talking, call and pick up right where we left off. I love my sissy and I'm so blessed to have an amazing person like her in my life. I just wish she lived closer :(

Totally Great Giveaway at Cole's

Not Kohl's... but Cole the fantastic blogger at All the Small Stuff is having an amazing giveaway people!

Totally my favorite one... whoda thunk it? LOL

This Lilly Pulitzer journal is too cute right?

Real Coach wristlet baby! That's right!

(And she's got 2 others)

I love me some Strawberry bubblebath!

I must say, I'm now stalking Cole. Totally great giveaway! Go on over and sign up, and don't forget to mention my name :D

Wonderful Wednesday

I suck at coming up with catchy titles. Deal with it. I've just got a quick thing to share. Andy is the greatest man in the whole wide world and I love him to pieces.

Monday I sprained my wrist somehow and it's been a little difficult getting things done around here. Not to mention the children were evil all day long and I couldn't get squat done. I was near suicidal by the time Andy got home from work. He told me not to worry about a thing and he was going to take care of it. And let me tell you... HE DID! He cleaned the kitchen, including sweeping and moping the floor, did laundry, handled the kids, fed them dinner and everything.

I felt guilty b/c after dinner the Andi K, the 4 y/o, looks up at me and says, "I like your cooking." Let me break that down for you in 4 y/o lingo: that meant she wasn't happy with being fed leftovers and wished I would have cooked something. But I promised a good dinner the next night and she was happy with that.

Then Tuesday, he's at work and tells me he is going to come home and give everyone pedicures. Say what! I have a serious foot phobia, but we got this new foot bath thingy (free on craigslist in our dumpster diving episode... read about it here). Nonetheless, I told him I'd let him touch my feet. I actually kinda doubted that he'd follow through once he got home, especially since he took care of everything the night before so I could climb down the hysterical wall of suicidality I created.

This man is so beautiful! We go to Walgreens and he tells me to pick some smelly salts for the foot tub. My eyes go straight for a complete pedicure set, which is twice as much as the salts alone, and I bat my eyes and ask, "Can I get this one? It's the whole set!" His reply, "Whatever you want." Who wouldn't love that!?!?!?! Whatever I want! Yuppers, he's a keeper. As we head up to the register he stops by the nail polish. Cute huh? He picks out a really nice pink that all the girls' toesies will adorn. When is the last time YOUR man picked out nail polish for you?

I can't wait to be Mrs. Andy!

RTT: Craigslist, Darts and Mormons

Go get your button from Keely's place and play along. It seems all my thoughts are random these days so this shouldn't be too hard lol

Not too long ago, Andy made friends with the Mormons who visit house to house, ringing doorbells and offering their Lighthouse pamphlets. They know him by name and if anyone but Andy answers the door, they ask for him. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with these people in the least, and I get a kick of watching Andy squirm while he's trying to find a reason to tell them to scram. He's totally not into the whole "organized religion" scheme and avoids talk of religion at all costs. I like watching him squirm for a few minutes before I holler out his escape code, "Andy! You've got bacon burning on the stove!" I'm sure they've figured out that bacon on the stove, the kid with strep and mother-in-law on the phone are all excuses, nonetheless, Andy takes the pamphlet and wishes them a good day.

I'm addicted to Craigslist. Completely. It's hopeless. I love the feeling of a bargain, and this is almost as fun as yard sale shopping. This way I know what I'm getting, have everything arranged and just go pick it up. Sometimes they actually will meet you somewhere. When we moved into our new house, we sold half of our stuff on Craigslist and used the money to buy new stuff. Too much fun! Sunday I hollered to Andy, who was doing some light reading in the bathroom, that someone has just (and by "just" I mean only 3 minutes ago, b/c I'm a craigslist stalker) posted that the leftovers from their garage sale were all FREE and sitting by the curb. It was just down the street and around the corner from our house and they said there was a TV and VCR, some kitchen stuff, baby stuff, "and lots more". We scurried over there and looked like dumpster divers throwing everything in the back of the truck. But it was free, and even though we had to dig through boxes of someone else's junk, throwing away a lot of the stuff, we scored a small TV and VCR for the 3 and 4-y/o room, about 20 movies, 15 or so CDs, a lamp for the livingroom, and some arts and crafts stuff. FREE! I love FREE shit!

Pepsi is my friend and I will never foresake thee. Ever.

The oldest is gone all week to my friends house in the sticks and I miss her. I want her to come home so I can yell at her about how she lets her room looks like a pig sty and remind her she needs to rinse off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. :(

Oh - we also scored a wireless router in the craigslist dumpster diving escapade. How cool is that?!

Last Wednesday after dart league Andy and I decided to stick around for a tournament. There was a deaf guy sitting at a table who wanted to play, but nobody knew. I, being the uber-friendly drunk one, decided to fingerspell to him and use the little sign that I remembered. He said he wanted to play, held out his five bucks for his entry fee and we found out that they had already called teams. Well, being the pushy people we are, we forced asked the one running the tournament to let him in and redraw. All was good. He got a good partner (especially if you ask her) and we assured the other players that earth would continue to orbit now. We had done our good deed. Pfffffffft! That jackass decided mid-way through the tourney that he didn't want to play anymore and left his partner hanging. Being nice gets me absofuckinglutely no where!

I sprained my wrist somehow yesterday so I can't work without severe pain, however, I am able to type this long ass blog entry without a problem. Go figure. (I love you Andy and I promise I will get to work... as soon as I'm done here... honest honest)

Monday Madness

Just some blurbs from me this morning... nothing special.

I've only got Baby K and Big K today, so things should be quiet enough for me to get some work done. I've got to have 2K lines a day until Sunday (end of pay period) so that our trip to Florida is filled with the knowledge that we won't come home to a house with no lights or water. I can DOOOOO it!

Summer has been filled, so far, with lots of activities. We are busy bees around here and I'm totally digging it. I do have a gripe though. Why can't I dislike Andy's ex? I mean, isn't that what is supposed to happen? The new girl isn't supposed to get along with the ex. It's just not natural. I find myself actually trying to find reasons to be pissed off at her. How stupid can I be? I should be elated that we have a great relationship, we get along and she's a great mother. I should be blessed that I don't have that added stress... and a birth mother constantly on my ass about how I treat "her" kids. I don't have those problems. I treat all the kids like they are mine all mine... I praise them, teach them, love them and beat them all the same. And I don't hear a peep out of her. Plans with the kids and schedules change all the time, which irritates me b/c I don't know which way is up on most days. But I should be ecstatic that the mother of Andy's children actually plays an active role in their lives and loves these babies to no end. I should be thanking God almighty that I can call said mom on a whim and have her hook me up with her hook up at MotoPhoto, who gives a big ass discount, so the kids will have a precious Father's day gift for Andy. Instead, I'm sitting here thinking... I don't want to like her. Stupid. She and her entire family have been nothing but nice to me. And I totally appreciate that... except that her mother and one of her sister's always want to hug me. Ack. I don't like people in general, and these people want to touch me? What gives!

Here's another gripe I have... why does my ex-husband still talk shit about me? I mean really... get over it. I talked to a friend who I lost in the divorce to my ex-husband. Really. He got the house, dogs and all my friends. Ok, I walked away from it all and didn't look back, but still, those were MY friends. Apparently he's a better party animal than I and they chose him. Whatever. Either way, I talked to my/his friend the other day and I'm not sure if she's just trying to start shit or what, but she says he still talks trash about me. Nothing nice ever comes out of his mouth about how I've raised her basically on my own for 15 years, how I've struggled as a single mom, took jobs I hated b/c I knew I could be at home with her, stayed days on end in the hospital with her each and every single year of her life until her brain surgeries, how I've never asked for child support until just last year when I finally caved and MADE him help. Never a nice word. Just what a bitch I am. And frankly, since Andy has been in the picture, I don't have anything to do with him. Andy handles it all for me. God I love that man. So why is he still talking shit? That irritates me.

One other gripe before I go on to more pleasant things. Is lap-band and/or gastric bypass the new "in thing" or what??? What happened to dieting and exercise? I mean seriously, you still have to diet and exercise after having those procedures... it's not like it's a miracle fix-all to obesity. And good God, someone needs to explain to these people that they CAN and WILL get fat again if they don't change their eating habits.... forever! Don't get me wrong... I'm not talking about the people who seriously need help, who are seriously overweight and have comorbidities compromising their health. I'm talking about the people who actually gain weight so they qualify for the surgery. People who will put on that extra 20 pounds so they are just overweight enough to get that surgery paid for. The ones who lie about having back problems and knee problems so the insurance will cover the cost, because they can't lie and say they have diabetes or hypertension. Take that effing cheeseburger out of your mouth and do some damn situps if you are so obsessed over your weight. Grrrrrrrr!

Ok. Rant over. I feel so much better.

We are planning our Florida trip and CANT WAIT! We are hitting the road near the end of July and driving straight through. The teen and tween are coming with us this year and we decided that spending 21 hours each way in the car and it costing $300 round trip was WAY better than flying all four of us out there and back for over a grand. My sister's kids will be there this year too, and we'll have the minivan with us, so everyone can fit in it while we are sightseeing and going to the beaches. Hell, that's if we can pry the kids out of the pool at the house long enough to get them in the minivan lol. I'm sure the jet ski will be enough to entice them. Then I'll be sitting in the pool drinking Corona while Andy and the girls take turns on the jet skis. Complete bliss I tell ya!

I lost custody of the garden. Andy has completely taken over. Don't get me wrong, I love it. He gets his "man time" out there, in complete solitude and quiet, watering and fidgeting with the plants. I do go out there in the evening with him while he watering to check it out, but that is "his" garden now. I remind him that it was "my" idea, but other than that, I just reap the rewards of homegrown veggies in our own back yard and listen to his plans of how he's going to make it bigger and better for next year. I.love.that.man.

Nothing else really exciting going on here. I suppose I should get some work done before I screw around so long that I've got to work this evening to catch up.

Happy Monday folks!

Here They Are!!!

The pics we took at MotoPhoto for Father's Day! Aren't my babies beee-U-tiful! I wish I could say I created all of them, but they are definitely mine through-and-through with their actions and attitudes lol!

We took several other shots, but I'm too lazy to put them up lol. The one with all five of us is for Andy's new office... and the rest are mine all mine! Ok, we got some of the oldest alone to go to her daddy for his Father's Day gift... and then the rest are mine all mine! Well hell, the one with the three smallest kids goes to their mama too... and THEN the rest are mine all mine!

Holy Cow It's Been A Hot Minute

Summer life has definitely taken hold of me! With four kids full-time plus the two little ones I keep during the week, I barely have time to think, let alone come up with funny stuff for my blog. I've totally neglected my bloggy world and bloggy friends.


Man o man, where did I leave off? My sister and her Dick have come and gone... another hilarious visit to jot down in the memory book of our lives.


Two weeks later we enjoyed a weekend in Noel, Missouri for the annual Chicken Coop... and outdoor steel dart tournament filled with camping, drunks and darts. Not to mention the occasional drunk streaker running through camp. This thing has been going on for almost 30 years, and Andy and I are proud to say this was our second year there, just the beginning of another Coop family. We were introduced to the Coop by our friend Chris, who has been a Coop family member since he was 17 when his father Leon took him. They are truly Coop legends and a blast to party with. Leon wasn't able to make it this year, the first one he's missed in over 17 years, but Andy kept the spirit going with Bloody Mary's every morning. He learned from the Master himself, Leon, and everyone really enjoyed them. So much so, Chris was a blithering idiot Friday morning by 9 am. The guys decided to take a bath in the river, bar of soap and all. Andy managed to make it out of the water before his balls shrunk to nothingness, but Chris on the other hand, barely made it up the bank, crawling on all fours, slobbering and laughing so hard he almost choked. I know CPR, but I sat back and laughed. Besides, he's a big ole country boy and there was no way I could drag him up the bank.


I played in my first steel tip tourney this year and I had a blast! I brought my tequila to the dart tent (looks like a huge circus tent with 30+ dart boards all lined up) and ended up playing until the wee hours. When I was put out of the tourney, Andy was still in and we didn't leave the tent until 4 am. Then we were up at 8 getting ready for the kids tournament. I'm pretty sure we were still hammered, but I don't remember much of that morning.


I also learned to "chalk" this trip. Because they are all steel boards, there are no fancy bells and whistles that tell you the score. You have to have a semi-sober person at the board with an erasable marker jotting down every mark on the white board... mind you, there are 4 guys behind you, drunk, with sharp, pointy, steel-tip darts hurling them at the board next to your head. Talk about anxiety! I turned into a completely tequila-induced state of dyslexia. Not a good thing when there is money on the line. All the guys were very nice and hollered out their numbers to me b/c for some tequila reason I couldn't subtract tequila 137 from 501 tequila and come up with the right answer. The lesson I learned from that was I should have never pretended to be smart while drunk... they make you chalk.


We ended the 4-day weekend on Sunday with the annual auction. Each year, the Coop families bring an item to be auctioned off and all the proceeds go to a charity. Come to find out, the charity is actually a Coop family who is in need of financial help. That gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling... and next year Andy and I plan on having something nice to donate to the auction. I think the Coop will be a tradition Andy and I will have a for a long time.


Another two weeks goes by and we are camping at Canton Lake for Father's day. This is the lake where Andy grew up. This is the lake where his grandparents lived, where his father took him and his brothers and sisters camping and fishing and hunting. This place has a million memories for him. The kids all had a blast and we enjoyed the company of Andy's brother and sister-in-law. Kye, the sister-in-law has taken me on as an apprentice to be an "expertive camp woman" and with her help, I'll be in tip-top shape before long. Andy carried the Leon Chicken Coop Bloody Mary tradition on to the family camping trip and everyone really enjoyed it. Sunday morning after we were all packed up and ready to leave, Andy took us on a tour of the lake and shared his most prized memories at the lake with the kids and I. He was totally nostalgic and it was a nice cherry on the Father's Day cake; we all got to see his face beam with pride and joy as he shared his childhood with his family. I hope we can continue the tradition and make this a sacred place for our kids, and one day they will share it with their families.


And that brings us to today! Andy started his new position on Monday. I'm so truly proud of this man. A year ago when he transferred to Headquarters, he said there was more opportunity for advancement... and boy did he find it! He's definitely moving up that corporate ladder and I couldn't be more happy for him. I think he secretly wants to be a Trooper, but I know the training is what holds him back... he doesn't want to be away from his family that long. They have strict no communication rules, and I don't think he'd be very compliant. So, to avoid that, I think he's unconsciously finding a way to reach his goals another way. Either way, I'm going to support him every step of the way. He's an amazing man and totally deserves it!


The kids and I went yesterday to have family pics made. Andy's ex-wife has a cousin who works at Moto Photo and she gave us a hella discount. No sitting fee (and there were 5 of us) plus 50% off everything I bought. Cool huh? I got 13 sheets for just over $100! The kids looked fantastic and did all their cutest cheesy smiles and poses without getting beat! I get to pick them up today after 5:30 and I can't wait! I'll have to scan them in and post them, hopefully tomorrow.

I think that about sums up the last month of our lives lol. It should be nice and quiet (HA) around here until I go back to school July 8th and we don't have anything else big planned until our end of July trip to Florida. We are driving this year and taking the two older girls with us... that should be an entertaining road trip. Then we are taking my sisters two kids home with us from Florida and keeping them for a week. So the ride back will be TWICE as fun as the trip there lol. I guess I should start looking for a luggage rack or I'm going to end up strapping kids to the roof of the minivan.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week! I'm going to try and read up on some blogs that I've been missing out on for the last month!

Oh -- update on the possible adoption: The lady isn't quite ready to give him up yet, so we are sitting that one on the back burner. She knows she's got the option of a loving family if/when she gets to that point. Thank you all for your feedback on that one, we certainly needed an outside view!

It's A Beautiful Monday Folks!

I'm soaking up the sunshine! I love summer! At least this part of it anyway.

I love that I can go outside without a jacket on at 7 in the morning for my routine cappuchino run to 7-Eleven.

I love that the kids can go outside and play from morning to night to wear themselves out instead of banging their heads against the walls in the livingroom dying for something to entertain them.

I love that we can go camping and wake up to an awesome sunrise just over the waters edge, really appreciating the beauty of nature.

I love looking out to our garden and seeing our veggies growing like crazy!

I love the smell of fresh cut grass and when you can smell the folks in the neighborhood firing up their grills!

Summer rocks! And it's finally here!

And now a side note: Looking for opinions here folks. Help!

Andy brought this up to me in random conversation this weekend. A lady he went to school with had a baby about a year ago. She's got two older teenage kids who are being raised by her mother, and apparently, she's trying to find a home for this baby. She's a party-girl and just doesn't want to give up that lifestyle... even for the sake of her own children. Judgment about this lady aside, there is a kid, a baby, a 1-year-old little boy, who needs a loving family.

First instinct: I want him. I want to hug him and squeeze him and be his mama. I want to raise him in our home, treat him as our own and watch him grow to be a healthy, strong young man.

***History lesson: Andy has been neutered. We have 4 kids, combined, but we wanted another one, maybe two. We love big families. So this fall we were going to get him a reversal and hump like monkeys to create a spawn of our own.***

So anyway, we hashed it over, a lot. We decided there would be ground rules if we decided to take this boy in.

First and foremost, I need to know about this kids' father. Obviously he can't be active in the boys life, or this boy wouldn't be nearly homeless. But I certainly don't want some angry dad at my door wanting his baby back.

Next, this has to be official and permanent. I'm all for fostering, and in fact, I've been to therapeutic foster parenting classes and the whole nine. Even so, and it may sound selfish, I don't want to place this boy in our home and she gets free reign... like she just needs someone to step in and carry the financial burden of this child until she gets her shit together. I want papers signing him over to us. I don't mind if she has visitation, but there needs to be guidelines. Does that sound horrible? Andy and I would like to raise him as a mother and father, not auntie and uncle.

There are too many if-then statements right now because we don't know the details of her situation. All we know is she's actively looking for someone to take her boy. He's making some phone calls today, and I told him that I'd like to spend some time with him. Like an interview. That's the only way I can describe it. I want to see if there is a connection. I'm a sucker for kids, so I know I'll fall in love with him, but I need to see where he is, physically, mentally, emotionally.

So my question is... do you have any adoptive stories that might help us with this decision? Horror stories and success stories. We want to hear them all. We want to be as rational as we can, and we need to know legal issues as well. My heart cries out for this baby and we don't want to just snatch him up without processing what this means for our entire family.

Side note: This sounds like it's all about me, but this is really Andy and I speaking. He feels the same way I do about this and we could sure use some feedback.

Home Alone

So it's Wednesday... I hope everyone was able to enjoy their holiday weekend.

First and foremost... I'd just like to say that I finished this semester with three A's and two B's. Somehow I managed to pull a B out of my art class! I'm so proud of me!

My sister and her Dick flew in from Cali on Thursday and left yesterday evening. We had such a blast! We threw a dart tournament on Friday night at my local white trailer trash bar... of course Dick took first place... but Andy got second place so we were happy. Sucks to get beat in your own bar by out of towners though. My partner for the tournie, Mango, was not on his game and I could only do so much. He's a great shot and we've gone to the top before as partners. We all have bad nights though. We were out in 2 and 2. Bleh. My sister got my best guy friend Chris for a partner. They played a while, but didn't make it to the finals. All in all it was a super fun night. Dick wow'd everyone with his skills on the dart board and my sister kept everyone entertained, as usual.

We did get to Texas to see our mom and granny on Saturday and Sunday. Before we left though, we had to stop at a doc-in-a-box clinic to get some x-rays of my Dick's arm. Somehow he hurt it the night before. We all joked and said that Andy tried to break his dart arm since he was getting spanked over and over again. Too bad he broke the wrong arm. It was a nice visit in Texas though. This is the first time our family has had the chance to meet my sissy's Dick. They really liked him, but seriously, what's not to like? Andy cooked supper on Sunday evening and shortly after we headed back home.

Monday we had a little BBQ at our house with a few close friends, went to throw some darts that evening and called it an early night.

Now they are gone and I miss my sissy :-( She's my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I don't get to see her nearly enough. She keeps me laughing the entire time we are together. We are going to Florida to their summer house in July to see them for a week though. This summer we decided to take the two oldest kids, 10 and 15, with us and drive out there. We can make it there in 20 hours and round trip gas money will cost what one plane ticket would cost. My sister will have her two youngest with her, 7 and 19, so it will be a great family vaca for all of us.

I would have pics to post, because my sissy has an awesome camera that I want soooo bad and she won't let me have it, but she left all the memory cards in Texas, and the one she had left in the camera wouldn't read on my stupid laptop. Our mama is mailing the cards to me though, instead of my sissy, because I'd never get the pictures if she mailed them directly to her. I'm still waiting on my pictures from last summer's trip to Florida.

Anyhoodle, I'm back to my normal routine again... I have one more week... hell it's already Wednesday... I only have three days counting today... of kids still in school. Then my world will be filled with 6 kids during the day, and still trying to work through it all.

This weekend we have the kids and then next weekend we are off to Missouri for the outdoor steel tip dart tournie. Can't wait!

I guess I should get back to work if I want to be able to throw darts tonight with Andy, especially since the babies are down for a nap.

Have a wonderful day bloggy peeps!

Writer's Workshop: 10 Things

Join MamaKat over at Mama's Losin It for the weekly Writer's Workshop.

I chose prompt #3: List 10 things you are currently sick of

This should be easy! LOL

1) Fingerprints. I clean the sliding glass door and 10 minutes later there are million little people hand prints on it. I clean the glass storm door in front, and MY stupid self puts a forehead print on it. Give me a break, it's never been that clean before and I guess I didn't see it when I was trying to look out the front door and down the street for the mailman.

2) My art class. Which is over by the way. That class has been one disaster after another. I think I had the end of semester blues and the itch to play outside. Every assignment I was trying to finish was interrupted with either a kid screaming, an abscess tooth, a filthy house, a paper that I wrote single-spaced instead of double-spaced, a forgotten assignment, a cram session to get my 50 dang art pieces memorized (name, era and artist) or complete exhaustion and falling asleep with my face on the laptop. I woke up in a puddle of drool more than once people. Art is NOT fun!

3) People, their obsession with Adam Lambert on American Idol and not thinking Kris deserved to win. He was the dark horse and a great competitor. I wasn't thrilled with the shriekings of Adam and to be honest, he didn't need to scream EVERY DAMN THING.

4) This dang baby. Baby K is giving me the blues people. Real baby blues! She won't be more than 2 feet away from me without screaming at the top of her lungs. Occasionally, she'll be occupied with a toy, but as soon as she hears my voice or see's me walking through the house, which desperately needs some help, she's back to screaming at me to pick her up. I've tried the 10 minute thing where I let her scream... it doesn't work. I told her mama about it and she said, "You have the disease. She does that to me too!" Well, YOU gave that disease to this baby and I need you to fix it dear mother-of-the-child or I'm going to send you all to another day care. This.Is.Not.Fun!

5) The fridge not being closed. Our fridge is a piece o shit peeps. We bought it when we moved into this house from the apt and thought we got a good deal. It was in a used appliance store, big enough and already had a child lock on it. It was plugged in and cold as ice. Nice! Within a month (mind you, a day after the 30-day warranty period) the door stopped shutting all the way and you have to physically put your body on it to close it, secure the child lock, and pray it doesn't crack open in the middle of the night. The kids don't get this. And the child lock sucks because the 3-year-old has managed to crack the combination and graze through the fridge whenever he so chooses. Stupid fridge.

6) My sick body. For some reason, April and May have been a real challenge for me to stay healthy. I'm down for 3 weeks with a horrible upper respiratory infection, and I think I'm finally over the coughing fit ritual every morning as of today. Then my wrists start acting up. Then I've got an abscess tooth from hell. My back hurts... I think it's all the sweeping. I should not be forced to pick up another broom for the rest of my life, if you ask me. I think my body is telling me to go to Tahiti and take a nice long break, be handed drink after drink by a hot cabana boy named Pedro, and sit by the beach all day long under a fancy umbrella -- where children aren't allowed.

7) Work. I don't think I should have to work. It sucks. At the end of last year things were great... I was minding my own business, making good money and working from home. Right after Christmas we lost a multimillion dollar account and I'm on part-time status. I work when I want, but there really isn't enough work to go full-time. Then, out of nowhere BAM! The doctors are dictating like madmen and my boss flips out, emailing me that I need to be pulling more work. I'm juggling a full load at school, 2 kids during the day plus our 2 kids that aren't in school yet, getting the house prepared for my sister and her Dick to come stay for the weekend... and now I'm supposed to stop everything and work full-time again. Make up my damn mind!

8) Not having enough money when I want it. I know, I know, I'll be working more now and the money will start flowing in again. Andy makes good money folks, and he does a great job supporting our family of 6. I just don't like the feeling that if I want to go out and have a few drinks and throw some darts that I'm on a budget. Or if I want to take the kids to the movies or run away for the weekend, I've got to do my guzintaz (goes-into's, Beverly Hillbillies duh) to make sure there is enough left over to pay the damn water bill. Running water and flushing toilets are over-rated.

9) Getting everyone else's mail. Since we've moved here it's been a fiasco with the USPS. With the change of address that Andy filled out from his former address the USPS apparently felt it was prudent to move their HOUSEHOLD instead of the INDIVIDUAL mail. Plus, the mail from the apartment I was in for 5 years, where my mother also was for a period of time, now has sent her mail FROM TEXAS (don't ask) to our new address. She's a mail shopper, so I'm getting an influx of stupid old lady clothes magazines, and even shipped super big mama bra's that should be going to HER HOUSE.... IN TEXAS! Mind you, Andy loves the fact that we get his nephews ESPN and other sport mags sent to our house. He uses them for bathroom reading prior to sending them to their intended owner.

10) Aunt Flow. (Pardon my raging PMS moment) It seems that EVERY time we plan a road trip I'm on the rag. Check this... we are going to Texas this weekend. Two weeks later we are headed to an outdoor dart tournament with lots of drunks and camping. There is an entire spread of time between these trips that I could rag. No. Doesn't happen. Yesterday, Mother Nature rears her ugly head and today Aunt Flow and I are close, real close. So my hot, steamy, fancy nighty slam-me-against-the-wall-and-take-me-Daddy hotel room adventures with Andy in Texas will be postponed. I hate you Mother Nature. I hate you with a passion. On a positive note, at least I won't be bleeding like a stuck pig while I'm camping. Tent sex is great too; except for the rocks, sand, dirty, stinky sweat (completely different from normal bedroom gettin-it-on kind of sweat) and the balancing act to keep from rolling off the air mattress.

There you have it. My 10 things I'm sick of. Piece of cake. I'm off to finish cleaning up this house and comply with my boss' orders to crank out some work (pffft), all while ignoring 4 kids, unless of course there's blood or a bone that appears to be out of place.

Have a great day folks... and enjoy your weekend!

Ever Been Attacked by a Lauper Hobbit?

I have. Mix this:
With this:

And you get the broad that attacked me Friday night at the $500 dart tourney.

Shall I start from the beginning?

Let me give you a visual of this bar first. White trailer trash bar with a bunch of redneck men, most of whom are married. Most of these folks are tight-knit and have been coming here for years. This is a second home, and they are protective of their family. It's a Friday night, so that means the dart players are there, and they are in a category all to themselves. There is also karaoke -- drunk karaoke. It's a mess of things going on every Friday night. And occasionally, we get the young crowd that tries to run up in this hole in the wall dive and take things over. They are louder, more obnoxious and hormonal. The drinks are STRONG and CHEAP, so these morons are getting smashed without even knowing it and, 9 times out of 10, end up making complete asses of themselves.

Case in point: Lauper Hobbit vs. Spider Monkey

I'm teamed up with a dude named George. It's a blind draw tournament, so you never know who your partner is going to be, except if you are a female, you know you get a male partner. More men play than females, so there ends up being mostly male/female teams with a few male/male teams.

Anyway... George and I are playing on board 1. This is the dart board that is closest to the pool tables, and another section of the bar. These people, the new ones who don't know dart etiquette (there are rules people!), seem to want to walk up close and personal to those of us throwing for a $500 pot, instead of going around to the other side of the bar. I'm at the line, getting ready to throw and this Lauper Hobbit comes up close enough to stop me from throwing as she is trying to get around to the bar. I stop, take a step back and say, "Can't these people see we are THROWING!"

Lauper Hobbit's first mistake was the stop, look at me and say, "What did you just say?"

At 5'5" I'm no giant, but I had to look down at Lauper Hobbit and tell her politely (hahahaha) that she should go around to the other side to get to the bar because we are in a tournament and she was being rude.

She, obviously in a drunken state of mind, didn't know she was messing with Spider Monkey (a loving nickname given to me by my best guy friend Chris many moons ago when I jumped on the hood of a guys car, after whipping his ass, to again, politely, tell him he wasn't wanted at this bar).

Anyhoo - someone steps in the middle of us and then a friend of hers comes to her side and drags her off to the pool table area again, profusely apologizing drunk Lauper Hobbit's intrusion.

All is good. I'm throwing my darts, having a good time and didn't think twice about the little drunk person.

George is up at the line and I'm leaning on one of the pool tables waiting for my turn. Mind you, this is a double elimination tournament, and we've already lost one match. If we lose this match, we are out of the tournament. WAY too early in the night for me to be out!

Lauper Hobbit's second and final mistake: She comes right up to my face... ok, she's really eye level with my boobs... looks up to me and says "Excuse me" in a sassy tone. I wave for her to move to the side. There's plenty of room to my right for her to get her little body around me and scram. Apparently she didn't think that was a good enough idea. She stands there. Looking up at me. Blood red eyes, jet black dyed hair, a ton of makeup and some fancy getup that only Cyndi Lauper herself would actually look good wearing.

"Go around." I say, without giving her much satisfaction, and look over her head at the dart board.

"What if I don't want to?" she chimes in, like a smartass teenager. This biotch is obviously looking for a fight. Her fists are clenched, jaw is jutted out and she's ready for some action. Stupid girl.

"Well, then you can go that way, " I tell her as I push her backward and out of my face. Now, she's not much taller than my 10-year-old, so I know not to use full force or she'd end up clear across the bar.

This chick goes crazy. She gets knocked back a couple of feet from me pushing her and then she's like a midget-bull in a China shop. I think I could actually see smoke coming from her nostrils and digging her feet into the tile as she literally started charging for me. DONK! I punch her in the face (it was more like she ran into my fist though, after all, she was charging at me) one good time before Phillip (a 50-something previous owner of the bar, husband to the bartender that night and friend of mine), grabs a hold of the mighty midget and begins to wrestle her to the ground. Her arms are flying everywhere! She's desperately reaching for me! So I reach out to her, and tag her again in the head. I may have gotten one more punch in before Phillip flattens her little body on the ground.

Next thing I know, she's out the door. After all is said and done I see Andy wearing a shit-eatin grin when he tells me, "I knew she was fixing to get tagged when she stepped up to you like that. I just sat back and watched."

White Trailer Trash/Redneck Bar Fight Scoreboard for May 8, 2009

Spider Monkey: 1

Lauper Hobbit: 0

Ok ok, I know. Some may say I'm too old to be punching broads in the head. Other may say I'm too old for bar fights. Not to mention I'm a mommy. But yanno what, I'm also a person. A person that doesn't take shit. Real talk. And I'll be damned if I'm going to get hit first. It's just a rule I have. I especially don't like getting hit in the face. That broad was definitely going to pull something, I just beat her to the "punch".

Quick Update - I'm Alive

So I haven't posted in over a week.

Admittedly, I took a mental hiatus at first, simply because everything that was happening in my life, my mind immediately went to the thought of how I could turn that into a blog. Blah. I couldn't have a moment without obsessing over blogging. So I started out taking just a couple days off bloggyland and was going to come back and post something sappy for Mommy's Day. Didn't make it.

By Monday morning I realized I had a crapload of homework for my Wednesday Intro to Art class to get done. So I spent the next three days working on that. I was the hero in class because I gave all the students a link to my flashcards online that I created. They are all instructed to bring me Starbucks next Wednesday.

Thursday... I have no idea what I did.

By Friday I had a toothache so bad I went to the ER. I type these reports, as a transcriptionist, and actually made fun of folks who went to the ER for dental pain. Seems like only drug seekers would do such a thing. Certainly not moi! Well, by Friday evening, when my face looked like I had a golf ball stuck in my cheek and I thought childbirth was a piece of cake compared to this type of pain, I reluctantly decided to check out the scenery at my local ER. The doctor who saw me (a doctor that I've typed many a ER report for, and his face looked nothing like his voice) said there was nothing he could drain, but sent me home with a nice supply of pain medication and an antibiotic. Since that moment I've been in a drug-induced coma.

Anyhoodle - I'm alive and well again...

But...

My Wednesday class, the last one for the semester (YAY!) is approaching again and I've got to get a powerpoint presentation together and study for my final. Then Thursday my sissy will be here from Cali with her Dick. We are going to Texas for the weekend to hang out with our mom and gma in Mayberry, a dinky town with a plethora of old folks and only one bar, which you have to be a member of to enter. Believe me when I type... I'm a cardholding member. We'll be back in OKC Sunday evening for a dart tourney, BBQ at my house on Monday for Memorial Day, and then my sissy and her Dick leave Tuesday.

So I probably won't be around much until next week. Looking forward to getting caught up on blogs and stalking blogs again. Until then...

Happy Friday! Darts, anyone?

Happy Friday bloggyland peeps! And happy early Mother's Day.

Andy and I will be partying at the trailer trash bar tonight and throwing darts. Another $500 tourney! Woot woot! So basically, we will pay $10 each to enter, $1 each for the mystery out, who the hell knows how much we'll spend on alcohol, and then we'll pray we get a partner that can hang in there til the end. By the time it's over with, we'll have spent well over $100 and the prize money, IF one of us hits first place, is just over $100 per person. I rarely win, mostly because my drunk darts don't hit exactly where I need them to, but Andy usually stays in there for the long-haul and brings home at least some of the bacon. Plus we really need to practice. My sissy and her Dick (big dart nerds who win lots of money all the damn time) and we can't let them put us to shame. We.just.cant!

I'm brain dead today... so I'm going to steal a post from Ruggy and use it here. Feel free to play along.

I Am: desperate for a friggin beer!

I Want: to win the big money tonight!

I Have: limited dart skills after I hit the alcohol plateau.

I Wish: my sissy was already here.

I Fear: flying stingin things!

I Search: for anything and everything on Google. Such a Google-whore.

I Regret: not finishing my education way earlier in life. Studying is for the birds!

I Love: my precious family. They make me so happy!

I Always: wait until the last minute to get everything done.

I Usually: karaoke when I'm drunk.

I Am Not: as young as I used to be. I looked at my face in the mirror last night, while attempting to pluck eyebrows and nearly pinched my eyelid completely off, and realized that my face looks old. Ick.

I Dance: naked in the house when nobody is here.

I Sing: all the time!

I Never: have enough time or money.

I Rarely: finish my homework more than an hour before class.

I Cry: every single flippin time I watch Extreme Home Makeover. Ugh!

I Am Not Always: a leader. Sometimes I like to take the backseat and just ride (figuratively speaking of course, I never like to actually sit in the backseat and ride).