It's that time again... Mama Kat over at Mama's Losin It offered the following prompts for the Writer's Workshop:
1.) Who really helped you get over something? Write about that person.(writingfix.com)
2.) Is plastic surgery an option? Without being vulgar, write about the body part still attached to you that you would most like to dis-attach and replace with a better one. (writingfix.com)
3.) Share an interesting email exchange you've had with someone lately.
4.) Have you thought about shutting down your blog? Why haven't you and what would cause you to make that decision final?
5.) Today I will...
I'm sure I could find something to jot down about all of them, but I'll go with #1 only because I've got a big to-do list today and I should get started on it.
Andy. He's the one that helped me get over something. My insecurities.
History: I was a girl just out of high school and he was a guy with 2 kids and recently separated from his evil first wife. He was 6 years older than me. I thought I hit a gold mine when I found him. He was a family man, a preacher's son, good morals and values, a good, steady job and seemed to adore me. Jackpot! Four years and one kid later, I found out he cheated. So long Knight in Shining Armour and in comes Jackass of a Lifetime. I was crushed. Apparently, this broad he cheated with also had a man... who found his way to MY front door to whip my man's ass. I didn't believe it at first. He surely had the wrong guy. Surely he was talking about my man's friend, the whoredog. Nope. He politely pointed to our family portrait on my living room wall and said, "That's the guy. That's the one who is sleeping with my girl." Complete and utter devastation.
Wowzers. Looking back, that was the night I lost all faith in relationships. Needless to say, my "man" was gone that night. I put him out and threw our family portrait shattering on the ground right in front of him. He cried. I cried. And I sent him on his way.
For the next five years we were off again and on again. I went to therapy. He made promises. I vowed to make it work. We even got married. Big ole church wedding and all that jazz. He went back to being the loving man and father that I once knew. But something changed inside me and I couldn't get back to the place I was before. I was jaded. Then finally, one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Just get out. So I did. But I was still jaded. I trusted this man with my heart and soul and he ripped me to shreds. He was sorry, I knew that. But that didn't change the fact that it happened.
During the next five years I had few relationships and dated a few guys. Nothing serious. They thought it was serious, but I never looked further than that moment. I never thought of a happy ending or forever after. I never wanted to put myself in a vulnerable position that would allow someone to hurt me again. That emotional rollercoaster was for the birds, and I wanted no part of it.
And just when I thought I had my emotional state under control.... along came Andy. A friend of mine told me about a dart team that was needing a female. I knew one of the three other guys on the team. My darts were going well and I thought I was ready to actually play on a team. I was introduced to Andy and the other guy and threw my darts. It was fun. Andy thought I was a bitch and I thought he was an asshole. But we had a wierd chemistry from jump. I like banter, and he dished it out like nobody's business. I gave it right back to him. From that first night I knew there was something about him. I had to get to know him. He had this energy that I fed off of.
Well, turns out this asshole had a sensitive side. The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted. I found myself stalking him. Complete voluntary stalking. I would show up where he was throwing darts on another league, with the girls of course, just so I could be near him. We would stay at the bar after everyone left and have "alone time". Lol, alone time in a bar.
Anyway, he had just gotten out of a decade long relationship and was forced into the single world again. He had three kids and was very particular in who he introduced them to. I was still in the mindset that men suck, really bad, and I wouldn't count on tomorrow with any given man. We started spending time together outside the bar... with all the kids together. Doing things like a family would. I fell in love with his kids and he treated my kid like she was his own. I let my guard down, without reservation. It was like all of a sudden I was in a trance. One day I'm a man-hating jaded biotch who couldn't care less about who I hurt, and the next day I let go of the self-preservation mode I'd been in for years and found myself in.love.with.Andy.
Without even trying, this beautiful man managed to single handedly give me the strength to believe in love again. To believe in the happily ever after. To realize that being hurt once doesn't mean that I was doomed to be alone or in meaningless relationships. Never once have I felt like this man was looking at another woman. Never once have I doubted where he was or who he was with... or if after one beer too many that trailer tramp trash three barstools down looked like she needed some company. Never have I felt like he wasn't sincere. Not one time have I wondered about his love. Not one time have I regretted giving in. And today, I see beyond tomorrow, next week, next year. I see a lifetime. A future. A home. A family. The greatest thing about it all... I don't remember the pain and bad memories I have from the past. It's like all of it has vanished and all I can see is the moment we met and the life we have together. It's as it that's when my life really began. When I look to the future, because I can do that now, without fear (YAY), I see us and the life we built together. I don't remember life before him and I can't picture my life without him.
Ok, enough sap. For more Writer's Workshop, go visit Mama's Losin It!